I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?