she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
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She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.