question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
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We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.