after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.