found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you