Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.