The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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