I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
