When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
