I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
