one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
