peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize