I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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