in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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