Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
