I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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