He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
