I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
