a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
