Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
