1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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