It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I won't apologize to a one balled man
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
