Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
