Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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