Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
