Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
