I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
