New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
