I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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