she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's shark week go big or go home
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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