I'd wear matching sweaters with you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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