Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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