I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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