Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
