It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
