i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The uberlube is also flammable
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
