I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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