Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
