i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
