Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
