I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
