The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
