remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
