That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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