She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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