were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
