I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
