is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
