just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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