The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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