her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
