toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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