i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
