I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
