My room smells like vodka and shame
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
