That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
