i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my being single is dangerous.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
