The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
