I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
