are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
