hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
