Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
