my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
