Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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